I like Sondheim, ukuleles, and moderate amounts of glitter.

And also, I think the reason why I don’t really understand why it’s been so hard for you, is because me and physical contact don’t mix. I can’t stand it. It’s my some weird “I’m Christian Grey, don’t touch me because I’ll freak out” kind of thing, it’s something that really puts me in my head and I get stuck.

It’s always set me back in getting to know people, and especially in relationships. Only a few occasions have I let my guard down and not dug my nails into the other person when I felt a hand at my sides. Even in acting scenes it’s been an issue; there will be a part of the scene where I have to get close to the other and suddenly I start worrying that I’m being too awkward and I tense up and it’s all I can do to not react when my instincts tell me to run or fight.

The bottom line is, I can’t help as much as I wish I could because I don’t know anything about what it’s like to miss that sort of contact. I can barely remain intact when I’m faced with a hug I didn’t initiate. But I love you, and I hope you know I wish I could just make everything better for you.

I wish I hadn’t fucked up our friendship. I wish you felt close enough to me to really share how you’re feeling, though tonight was definitely a lot closer than other times, despite how brief. I just want you to be happy, and it wrecks me to see you upset and in despair. The last time I saw you that way, I admit I had blamed you instead of the real soul-sucking issue.

I love you. I’ll cut a bitch for you, but unfortunately that won’t solve the issue at hand.